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Crystal Boo-Boo Persuasion
Summary The crew pair off for an unorthodox mission on the planet Vorbom. C-53 waxes paternal. Dar has a talk behind a rock. Pleck does some introspection. Bargie and Beano bond? Plot Act I - Aboard the Bargarean Jade Pleck greets Nermut and explains his old heat rock is all set up for him. Beano runs in and says that Beano loves the heat rock. Nermut is hurt that the rock (that he initialed) has been shared while Pleck explains they used it occasionally to help put Beano sleep. Nermut becomes more understanding when C-53 explains how hard it is to relax Beano at times. Pleck is once again accused of being rude and sizeist by Nermut when he suggests Beano and Nermut would get along. Beano thinks he'd be the big spoon to Nermut's little spoon. Then, Pleck can’t help himself and steps into it more when he suggests Dar and Nermut are happy to be back together again. Dar pulls Pleck aside and explains that they and Nermut agreed to see other people (or in Dar's case, more than one.) Beano jumps into the aside, Nermut overhears some of the details, and Bargie reminds everyone she can hear all conversations on the ship. Further away, C-53 asserts he is maintaining his distance but also lets it be known that he can still hear everything. As Pleck voices his concern that it is getting crowded, a strange voice chimes in with agreement. Bargie blurts that she let someone else on board and the stranger adds that since he was alone at the shuttle dock bay he invited himself up to the present level. The stranger introduces himself as Veteran Missions Operations Manager Vulm Sunblighter and says he has arrived to assign the crew a mission (if they accept it): to scare straight two boys while delivering three crystals to the planet Vorbom. The boys walk in with attitude and Dar asks their ages. The Tellurian snottily exclaims he is 17 and a half years old, while the droid sneers he is 17 and a fourth. Sunblighter explains that the boys have gotten themselves into all kinds of trouble and as he attempts to further explain the mission, the boys interrupt with how bored they are. Pleck interrupts again and wants to know the boy's names. The Tellurian gives the name "Drake Fistkin" however the crew can tell it is a made up cool name even if they do think it’s cool. "Drake" confesses his actual name is Gavin Boo-Boo which neither he nor the crew think is cool. The droid boy introduces himself as AR-33, however he would like to be addressed as Alpine Nightly. Bargie thinks she can complete the scared straight situation since she starred in a couple of movies where she scared people straight. Bargie starts to deliver some tough talk, but then forgets the rest of the lines from the dialog she is delivering. Pleck is confused why a droid needs to be scared straight and AR-33 explains he was made to be Gavin's best friend and made with flaws to make him more angsty. Dar notes that this makes him relatable to other teens, and C-53 explains this was part of a controversial production line. Gavin volunteers he got his disposition from his dad. Sunlighter continues with mission details that the crystals must be delivered separately on three different continents but AR-33 snarkily repeats "honk-shoe" as commentary and then mocks Pleck's hesitant speaking style when Pleck accepts the mission. The crew all agree, even Pleck, that AR-33 does do a good impression. Gavin wants to stay and send jexts (juck texts) but the crew and Sunblighter quickly expose Gavin as in over his head. Sunblighter impresses all as he shares a disgusting jext from his youth in the monarchy but warns the boys they must wait 6 and 9 months until they are old enough to send jexts. (Dar asks Nermut's opinion, but when Nermut says Dar seems to be avoiding him and his hugs, Dar clarifies she wants his opinion of the mission.) When asked what they did wrong, Gavin explains he put on an eye patch, apparently an early red-flag for scared straight. AR-33 explains he removed his eye/optic camera and Gavin adds he also went to school with a cane. Sunblighter warns of other youthful affectations but Gavin looks for where the hats are stored and chooses a large top hat. Bargie announces they have arrived at Vorbom and Sunblighter suggests they break up into teams. Beano chimes in with his recommendation of the team makeup and the teams are chosen. Nermut quickly fails his first task as self-designated note keeper. Ad break Captain Hark Tartigast reads copy while busy steering around a temporal rift and rewiring a hyperdrive that looks like a Ferusian hammer was taken to it. However escaping “this sentient free zone” is second in importance to him compared to writing his advice column on therebellion.space, the website developed on Squarespace. As he signs off, Hark sings along to one of his favorite Jordan McCorkin songs: “We’re flying!..” Act 2 – The Planet Vorbom Pleck and Gavin disembark and Pleck trusts Gavin to carry the gem which he stores in his Rebellion issued fanny pack. Gavin admits he also has a Federated Alliance fanny pack and that he likes to shop at the thrift shop for fanny packs or T-shirt’s with old stuff on it. Pleck is pleased to see a sensitive side to Gavin and suggests that emissary work might be well suited for Gavin. Gavin’s guard falls a bit and he asks Pleck about how to become an adult. After Pleck’s general answer that one day people just start treating you like an adult, Gavin is frustrated that adults don’t know anything more than teens do. The duo is approached by The Sentinel, a sentry droid who identifies itself as Representative of Continent Number One, and assessing them as children based on age and maturity. Pleck and Gavin disagree and as the droid becomes more belligerent and unintelligible, Gavin navigates the situation and they decide to walk around it ending the confrontation. Pleck praises Gavin for his maturity. The real Representative of Continent Number One appears and also praises Gavin as being less like an emissary in training and more like a real emissary. After the representative tells the team to leave the crystal so that residents can power their continent, Gavin exclaims he is getting a lot of validation from adults on this mission. As they analyze the outcome, Pleck isn’t sure if he’s learned a lesson from this mission but Gavin says he learned the importance of being true to yourself. As it becomes clearer that Pleck hasn’t learned anything, the Representative says Pleck looks like a jucking idiot. We shift to C-53 and AR-33. AR-33’s frustration that the mission isn’t more exciting boils over to aggression he takes out on C-53, who he now addresses as Dad. C-53 points out that he is not AR-33’s father and AR-33 wistfully replies “We’ll see.” C-53 helps AR-33 with his feelings and gets AR-33 to admit that he doesn’t know what he wants and in a breakthrough AR-33 says he wants C-53 to listen to his poetry. After a series of false starts where C-53 confuses AR-33’s vocal warm-ups as his poems, AR-33 starts his poem titled Metal. Now however, the Representative of Continent Number 2 interrupts the poetry reading. They excuse themselves from the Representative explaining that they were having a bonding moment. C-53 says he could read a poem and as he begins to dust off an old poetry subroutine he is interrupted by a second voice. The voice meekly asks Elamo, the Representative, if she has received the crystal yet explaining that people really need it to live. Elamo says she hasn’t and passive aggressively details how the continent is moments away from death without the crystal. AR-33 ignores the plea and not being ready to end being mentored, tells C-53 that he has nightmares instead of dreams and wonders what his mom was like. C-53 tries to let AR-33 down easy about his parentage and explains that C-53 was manufactured by the Ronka Cybernetics Corporation Ltd. AR-33 mumbles the reply that he was also built at RCC. The Representative interrupts that she really wants the crystal and finally AR-33 retrieves it from his second mouth. The Representative takes the crystal and tells C-53 that they handle their at risk teens by shipping them off. Over the sound of his skittering steps, Nermut tells Sunlighter that he is nervous to be in the presence of a Veteran Mission Operations Manager. Sunlighter explains he was just telling Dar about the depraved orgies he had back in the Monarchy. Dar says they have never been in such an intimate orgy and Sunlighter revels in how wonderful they were, making Nermut uncomfortable. Time passes and the trio are welcomed by the Representatives of Continent Number 3, a couple in love and just trying to power the continent. Sunlighter introduces the team as the envoys and give the couple the crystal. The couple offers they have advice on love to give. Dar suggests Nermut should get that advice while they and Sunlighter go for a walk behind a rock to pick his brain for advice. Nermut promises to take great notes to help him and Dar through their current rough patch. The representatives explain they know the large rock as Ass Eating Rock and then begin to give their pointers. They say as influencers, the first piece of advice is to just listen. Nermut has however become distracted about the rock’s name. Beano wants to hear the story of Beano. Bargie instead tells the story of Bargie. Beano knows the details of the story already and suffers through the retelling sighing and surrendering more and more with each “Beano know” meekly ending with “Beano hungy.” (Bargie’s story: independent since day one, at 14 in a Space City bar she met an agent who took her to a dark second other location and made her sign a contract even though she couldn’t read and even though every instinct told her not to trust him. The agent took her to meet an old man at another location and took her to the top. The agent said he’d call her Bargarean Jade and make her the most famous ship in all of the land.) Pleck is distressed at his regression and is now questioning his maturity especially considering that Gavin has grown and has begun offering him advice. Pleck wonders if Gavin is physically taller than when they started and if he has grown a goatee. Gavin offers the lesson that if you see yourself as a boy you’ll always be a boy and that its like giving yourself permission to not be an adult. Gavin passes on his top hat, fanny packs, and eye patch to Pleck which Pleck puts on. C-53 says he was effected by AR-33’s Metal poem. AR-33 concludes that he needed to have C-52 as an accepting presence for him. He says that is still anxious and feels like he has bees inside him, which he reveals he actually does. C-53 comforts AR-33 saying he knows its cool these days to have bees inside you, and then convinces AR to release the hive inside him. The bees talk as they leave AR-33 and say goodbye to the droids and each other. C-53 encourages AR-33 to feel his emotions and to express himself. The Representative interrupts that she is still there, trapped between them, and asks them to please let her go so that she can go to lunch. The Representatives continue to offer their advice: “Have fun. Be honest. Say it.” The conversion is interrupted by Dar yelling “Hotchie motchie!” in the distance. Dar and Sunlighter return to Nermut and they leave the Representatives. Nermut is jealous of Dar and Sunlighter and Sunlighter begins to tell about the unspeakable things they just did behind the rock. Nermut offers that he isn’t having fun and Sunlighter tells Nermut that the lesson is to “always come behind the rock.” They all board Bargie. Act 3 - Aboard the Bargarean Jade Pleck says they all learned learned lessons, and when Beano asks, Pleck says that he and Gavin learned about maturing. C-53 says that he and AR-33 learned about sharing emotions. Sunlighter enters the room and warns Pleck about the affections he is modeling wearing Gavin's fanny pack, top hat, and eye patch. (Pleck says he feels angsty and the eye patch doesn't cover his swollen eye with the K'hekk egg in it.) Sunlighter smoothly offers to take Pleck aside for a 'private talk' in Pleck's quarters which Dar strongly encourages Pleck to take him up on. Bargie however interrupts and remembers the rest of her scared straight speech. As she recites it, she recalls that it was actually for a commercial. Sunlight must leave however as he gets a notification for a new mission: to reunite a group of bees who spent one wonderful summer together. Epilogue Sunlighter hopes his boys have learned their lesson and then whispers that they have to continue their true mission: to restore the Monarchy. Sunlighter says he is proud...of his two natural born sons. Blooper Reel Sunlighter reveals the new mission and Gavin says he got brain jexts from a girl in response to his finger jexts. AR-33 adds that he plans to stay on the crew permanently and now that he has said it, "it's canon." The performers break out in laughter. Quotes "I don’t have to tell you everything, what am I huh? Your mom?" - Bargie "I'm the M.O.M." - Nermut "I've already forgotten your fake name." - Dar "What you do is bad, but the world out there is worse. So why don’t y… oh… ah.. What was the rest?" - Bargie forgetting her lines. "Oh for a second there I was almost scared straight" - Gavin "If you're putting a subject line in your jexts, your doing it wrong." - Pleck <> << Hi.>> << Jism.>> - The series of texts that Gavin sends Bargie "Girl, you up? I am going to eat that ass." - Vulm Sunblighter, reading an old jext. "Wait, you can do that to an ass?" - Gavin “I think it’s very important that AR-33 has a role model” – Sunlighter “Alpine!” – AR-33, interrupting from afar “Why are you staring off into the distance right now?” – Pleck; “Um I’m just thinking of a poem” – Gavin “Metal. Clang.” – The opening lines to AR-33’s poem "Is the ass eating rock what it sounds like?" - Nermut “Pleck Decksetter. Child.” – The Sentinel “Happy summer! Never forget camp!” – Various bees “I’m not a metaphor. I’m literally here” – An actual non-metaphor bee Trivia * Beano's 'wuvs' include heat rocks and asides * Bargie has a shuttle dock bay, at least two levels, and stores hats in the room third door to the left * Currently on trend with young droids is to store bees inside their frames Credits Voice actors C-53 - Jeremy Bent Pleck Decksetter - Alden Ford Dar - Allie Kokesh Nermut Bundaloy - Seth Lind Bargarean Jade and Continent Representatives - Moujan Zolfaghari Beano, The Sentinel, and Continent Representatives - Winston Noel Gavin Boo-Boo aka Drake Fistkin - Arnie Niekamp AR-33 aka Alpine Nightly - Adal Rifai Veteran Missions Operations Manager Vulm Sunblighter - Matt Young Production Edited - Seth Lind Recorded - Shane O'Connell Sound Design and Mix - Shane O'Connell Additional Recording - Forever Dog by Brett Boham Additional Record - Gravity Studios by Dan Farnsworth Music - Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl Narration - Jeremy Crutchley Ship Design - Eric Geusz Category:Episodes Category:Season 2